3 Types of Cross Cultural Marriages 三種跨文化夫婦

As promised, here are the 3 patterns of cross-cultural marriages I have observed. These photos have nothing to do with the topic but they are at our recent outing to a city park up in a canyon a little more than 3000 feet above sea level ~海拔3100尺.)

The first 單文化的 is when the wife completely adapts to the culture of the husband. In the United States where an American husband (of whatever race) marries a woman from another culture this seems to be the norm. These are often good marriages. The woman from another culture absorbs American culture and tries to becomes what she feels is the ideal of an American wife. (Note that this also happens to expat husbands who sometimes settle in the land of their wives and blend in. We met a Western pastor married to a Taiwanese woman who worries that his children speak no English or German. He is German.)

We know a couple where the wife has it down to the fine china at dinner and what type of fork should be used where, which is a mystery even I don’t understand. Her home culture in East Asia is relegated to a knick knack on the shelf here and there. The husbands tend to get along well with their wives in these types of marriages, but I often get the feeling there is missed potential somewhere. Maybe it is in the way the wives crave some sort of contact with their home culture whenever the opportunity comes up, but there seems to be something missing from the husband’s lives as well.

The 2nd type is the purely bicultural 雙文化的 family where both spouses enjoy each other’s cultures and can speak each other’s language. 對大家都有利. The husband learns and enjoys the wife’s language/culture and the wife does the same for the husband. These are the best marriages that leave a legacy to all around them. In a temporary form of these type of relationships, one spouse, usually the wife, plays a bridge between the cultures and helps the spouse to learn. They are the bilingual ones who help negotiate understanding when perhaps the other spouse has not yet negotiated the differences.

The 3rd type is the dysfunctional one 變態. Both spouses are upset at each other and they refuse to like or even understand the cultural (or personality) differences between them. 沒有溝通Often this stems from immaturity on one or both. I have even seen the incredible situation where 2 people get married and they refuse even a common language! I have helped as a translator in one or two of these situations. At least it isn’t easy to argue if you can’t speak to your spouse.